Post by pieter on Oct 4, 2011 9:26:43 GMT -7
Karl,
I am sorry for the loss of your mother, uncle and cousin. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
I witnessed people losing their loved ones by the years, and it took some of them a while to coap with it. I don't know how your relationship with your mother was, but for most of us our mother is the most important person in the beginning of our life as a child, and she stays with us during most part of our lives. Later on we get girlfriends and wives, but our mother is always in the background and she always stays our mother. Death won't change that fact. The fact that she gave you birth, raised you, fed you, that you stayed in contact and that the memories of her stay. In your mind, in the images you have of her (photographs, drawings or movies - family films?-). We can have a very dear and close family and sometimes friendship relationship with an uncle and cousin too. Loosing them is losing part of yourself, because they are your blood and share genes (dna) with you. But as Jaga so rightfully said, you stil have your wife, children and grandchildren to live for!
Cheers,
Pieter
Thank you Pieter for your kindness and compassion. And of course, your self and Jaga are most correct, I do have much to live for with my family. Even though we have a great deal of time in my absence from them, we still are very close.
Mother was my life, no matter my location on this earth, I knew were she was, and in so, knew my bearings for where I am. She was my mother of all things, she was my best friend, my confident for we talked of most every thing freely. She spoke of incidents I was not even aware of, one: whilst a very little thing, she carried me whilst walking to the market, and I would sing to her in happiness, for I loved my mother, she was my mother.
I think some things worried her, my work was one situation, the other was my intense self reliance, for I had then and to the present, needs not the assistance of others of completion of task..It has brought my self some times though of extreme anxiety of concerns, but that was my will to succeed, and it must be done.
I have never considered my self as special, just especially blessed with friends such as your self, Jaga and my friends here. And, a loving family.
In spite of my brave sounding, I do have a weakness that hurts, and that is loss. I may run as fast as the wind, but never out run my self, and that is what hurts.
Thank you Pieter and all for your support and compassion, I think I need to be alone for a time.
Karl
Karl,
The great deal of time in your absence from your family is due to your profession. It is good that you stil managed to maintain a very close relationship with them. Family is important and sometimes you have to get a little bit older to realise this. Do you write them or have a Skype or close telephone connection to them. Or is there more distance due to the far distant connection?
It is good that your mother was your best friend, and that you two could talk about almost every thing freely. Yes, our mother is the first woman we love in our life as a kid. She takes care of us, raises us, carries us, feeds us and learns us things and listens to our stories, experiances and adventures as a child.
Mothers are always worried about their kids, especially when they are abroad. I witness this with my sister, who lives in Cape Town, South-Africa. The reality is that this creates a distance of ten thousand miles. I know my mother is concerned about my sister, but in the same time realises that my sister organises her own life, and that she has to let things be. Your independance and loner being maybe worried your mother, but in the same time I am sure she was confident in the reassurance that you could take care of yourself. You have chosen your way of life and she had to live with it an accept it.
Having a loving family and good friends and maybe some good colleages makes life barable. It is in these relationships that we become human and real people. We grow and succeed in our cooperation and coexistance with others.
Your weakness that hurts is a very human one, people with a heart and soul suffer from loss. Indifferant, cold, emotional dead people don't get hurt by loss. You have these kind of egocentric, blunt and stubborn people who are closed off for their own feelings and emotions and that of others. These people aren't interesting. I just finished reading a biography of Heinrich Himmler (after finishing a thick book about the Mossad). Heinrich Himmler was such a cold and egocentric person. Uninteresting, serving an unjust cause and he went under with his system, and will not be remembered as one of the great German sons, like Goethe, Schiller, Kant, Heine and Habermas.
Karl, you are who you are, stay who you are and keep running as fast as the wind and being the loner you are, because that is what you are. It keeps you in good condition and keeps you going.
Taking some time for yourself to come to terms with things is never a bad idea. It is good to have some time to relax, contemplate and put things into perspective.
Cheers,
Pieter