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Post by kaima on Jul 17, 2007 10:30:15 GMT -7
An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the
bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for here, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty
years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
"Back off!" she said. "Those are for the funeral."
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Post by rdywenur on Jul 17, 2007 17:15:45 GMT -7
Kai for a minute there I thought you stole my joke. I just posted one exactly like yours only it was "Italian" and Italians cookies. (not on this forum... so you are off the hook)....anyway one guy told it to his priest and he cracked up with laughter ....not so much at the joke but because of the look on the guy's wifes face while telling it. ;D
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Post by kaima on Jul 19, 2007 11:22:58 GMT -7
Young King Sobieski was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Sobieski's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Sobieski would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Sobieski, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Sobieski had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Count Lubomirski, the most noble of the Knights of the Kingdom and Sobieski's closest friend!
Young Sobieski was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lubomirski, learning of the proposal, spoke with Sobieski.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Sobieski's life and the preservation of the Kingdom. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Sobieski's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered...is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Sobieski's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Sobieski his freedom and Lubomirski and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lubomirski, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lubomirski asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer, beautiful during the day.....or night?
Lubomirski pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
Noble Lubomirski said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
The moral of the story is.....
If you don't let a Polish woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly
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