Happy Holidays From the Nut House!

[Mary]

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.


Please select from the following options menu:


If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
line so we can trace your call.


If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship


If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a l ittle voice will
tell you which number to press


If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.


If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.


If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy
to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons , you'll just mess it up.

[bescheid]

Mary

That was funny , some humour with some coffee make the day brighter.

Charles

[rdywenur]

Followed by Christmas Carols for the Disturbed ;D

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

* 1. Schizophrenia ---Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple PersonalityDisorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are We

* 3. Dementia--- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic--- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic--- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid--- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder ---Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....

[justjohn]

In my younger days, I went out with a certain young lady.







Now, I want you to know, that was a very trying time for me when we went on our first date.






I thought I would have a terrific time, instead I responded badly.






On the way to the restaurant we got lost and confused.




with my condition I had to take one of these exits, but I couldn't make up my mind.

I got on my new cell phone and tried to get help.




OnStar told me to go left and follow the directions on the first sign.






this didn't go well so my friend tried to help out.





My dreams of having a wonderful evening have been shattered.





So I went home and decided to stick with women my age.






Just then I received an email with a political statement. It hurt because I'm a republican.






So, that is why I am lurking here !!!!!

[leslie]

Just John

John
Shame on you for letting that lovely, young woman down on the date and also letting her get away. I'm afraid my thoughts on certain of your capabilities have gone down the chute with that posting.

You haven't still got that young woman's address, or perhaps more relevant by now, her young woman daughter's?

Only asking

Leslie