|
Sex
Jan 21, 2008 3:56:12 GMT -7
Post by justjohn on Jan 21, 2008 3:56:12 GMT -7
Subject: sex The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.' The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month. But, not enough to enjoy yourself. PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN. I have enough problems of my own. Have a Good Day ;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 21, 2008 17:18:24 GMT -7
Post by rdywenur on Jan 21, 2008 17:18:24 GMT -7
There is only one girl smurf and a baby smurf....okay who's the Daddy ? Fess up.
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 26, 2008 6:28:30 GMT -7
Post by justjohn on Jan 26, 2008 6:28:30 GMT -7
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 26, 2008 6:48:18 GMT -7
Post by rdywenur on Jan 26, 2008 6:48:18 GMT -7
Life Explained: On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty y years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service...
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 26, 2008 10:13:20 GMT -7
Post by bescheid on Jan 26, 2008 10:13:20 GMT -7
Haa that was pretty good Chris But, not of real life...whilst on the trolling fleet, I was knocked off deck by a swing boom into the Nord See waters. What I felt was this: darn darn cold water and sinking quckly. What I seen with eyes, was green water and bubbles. What I felt, was cold, cold, cold, cold and preasure on my chest, arms and legs. And a thousand sparks in my eyes that were burning. Then some idiot was beating my chest, slapping my face and that hurt!! Then to lay coughing out my lungs this hot salt water with some idiot yelling in my face. I just wished at that time, to be left alone.. That was my death experience that was not my time to go at 22 years of age. Now, I die gradualy with boredom and irritation. Charles
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 26, 2008 11:02:02 GMT -7
Post by leslie on Jan 26, 2008 11:02:02 GMT -7
Franek (or others who fought) This may be the wrong place for this, but it follows on from Charles's posting under sex.
The time I thought my last day had come was just after the end of WWII, in Northern Greece when the Communist Guerrillas/bandits were trying to take over Greece as a communist state. The Greek National Army was fighting them and three of us British soldiers went out on a patrol with them one day. Suddenly mortar bombs started exploding about 60 or 70 yards ahead of us. Everybody went down flat and tried to dig themselves in - I was digging so hard that I thought I was going all the way to the southern hemisphere! While this attempt at self-preservation was going on, the bandits were using their mortars in a creeping barrage - this is when after each successive round they aim to get nearer to their target, moving the explosions nearer and nearer to the targets. The explosions got so near that dirt was hitting me on the back of my head and neck and it seemed only a moment in time before they would be right on top of us. But just before that happened, out of the clouds came two Greek Air Force fighters who shot up the bandits and stopped the barrage. Safe! I won't continue to recount the state I was in when all this had finished, but it was all I could do to get back to my quarters, have a shower and change all my clothes and throw away certain garments! I have never been so delighted to see the sudden appearance of fighter planes!!
This account takes on more effect, if you can start all your lights in the house swinging while you are reading it.
Leslie
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 26, 2008 18:16:50 GMT -7
Post by hollister on Jan 26, 2008 18:16:50 GMT -7
Holy Crap! I must say a quick prayer of thanks that you both (Leslie & Charles) survived these experiences! After reading Franek's account and now Charles and Leslie's I have to think we have uncommonly brave group of men around here! (JJ I am waving at you as well)
Leslie, Have you seen "Sword of Honour"? In my mind you might look a little like Daniel Craig in that film ;D
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 3:41:50 GMT -7
Post by leslie on Jan 27, 2008 3:41:50 GMT -7
Chris (Holli)
You are TOO,TOO,TOO kind - what me look like Daniel Craig - in any film!! I wish!! If I was a woman he would be my number 1 film star hunk, with his rugged but controlled looks.I've tried looking in the mirror at all angles, but can't see me like him at all!! Have you seen his photo on his pages in Wikipedia?
Re the account - and they said Signals was safe!!!!!
Leslie
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 4:36:09 GMT -7
Post by rdywenur on Jan 27, 2008 4:36:09 GMT -7
Holly... I never heard of this movie but just looked it up and watched the trailer and description about the movie. Looks like a very good movie. I'm going to have to go rent it and then Ill let you know if I agree with. ;D
Chris (yes Leslie the naughty one ;D ;D ;D)
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 4:39:47 GMT -7
Post by rdywenur on Jan 27, 2008 4:39:47 GMT -7
JJ I have the secret potion antidote but it will cost ya ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 8:52:29 GMT -7
Post by hollister on Jan 27, 2008 8:52:29 GMT -7
Sir Leslie, You have to squint REAL hard and have a couple of drinks but the resemblance is there! However, don't try the little blue swim suit please! Hollister I blame my vivid imagination and I am sticking to that story
PS Wayne laughed when he read the Signals comment!
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 13:45:40 GMT -7
Post by justjohn on Jan 27, 2008 13:45:40 GMT -7
JJ I have the secret potion antidote but it will cost ya ;D ;D ;D Anything - - - sob sob - - -well, almost anything !!!!!!
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 16:12:01 GMT -7
Post by rdywenur on Jan 27, 2008 16:12:01 GMT -7
I was thinking you could cook me up a fancy dinner like you've been cooking and fax it over here. ;D ;D (but you do look so cute and little and cuddly)
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 27, 2008 17:57:12 GMT -7
Post by rdywenur on Jan 27, 2008 17:57:12 GMT -7
I don't know why but for some reason I was thinking Daniel Day Lewis and trying to rent this movie by title and kept seeing Daniel Craig. Going back to the post to double check the name and I agree with Holly....cause as I was looking at Daniel Craig thinking you look more like him indead but not Daniel Day Lewis. ;D ......... and now I can go back and rent my movie!!!
|
|
|
Sex
Jan 29, 2008 5:59:29 GMT -7
Post by justjohn on Jan 29, 2008 5:59:29 GMT -7
;D ;D WHAT A CHOICEA little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." (smart man)
|
|