OOPS - - -

[justjohn]

;D ;D


OOPS

A young ensign is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he clocks out of his office at about 8 P.M. he sees the Admiral standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

'Do you know how to work this thing?' the Admiral asks. 'My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it.'

'Yes, sir,' says the young ensign, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the Admiral, and feeds it in.



'Thanks,' says the Admiral, 'I just need one copy...'

[justjohn]

;D ;D




DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.

Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing i t! She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and asked,





"Crap, am I driving?"

;D ;D

[justjohn]

;D ;D

The best of consultants don't always make the best decisions.


The Spoon


A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his; shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came bac k to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'


'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.


I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'


'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

;D ;D ;D

[kaima]

Finally, a return on our Star Wars investment under Reagan!

[Pawian]

justjohn said:

At my Chiropractors Office !!!


went to see my chiropractor today due to my hurting my back on heavy snow.

When I got there this young lady was there complaining about a bad back.

Gosh, she really shouldn't have to complain as she seems to be in really good shape. Can't understand todays youth!!!!
;D ;D

I know that Americans love such stuff. Or stuffings.

For me it is disgusting. It should be made illegal. hahahahaah

[justjohn]

Pawian,

just to appeal to your sensibilities we have complied with your reference.

[Pawian]

justjohn said:

Pawian,

just to appeal to your sensibilities we have complied with your reference.

Hey, I didn` tadvocate censorship on pictures. Bring it back.

I think it was this:

[justjohn]

pawian said:

justjohn said:

Pawian,

just to appeal to your sensibilities we have complied with your reference.

Hey, I didn` tadvocate censorship on pictures. Bring it back.

I think it was this:

Pawi,

Is that photo for real or is it touched up a lot?